That Which We Call A Troll

In terms of instances, I’m starting to sort of kind of reach the ones I am comfortable navigating my way through. The other day I managed a few more pugs. There’ll be no more reports of ten minute SM: Graveyard runs here, no. Instances nearing sixty (pre-BC, anyhow) are srs business. They’re taking at least an hour, usually more.

Take the Lower Black Rock Spire group I joined mid-way through their run. I was DPSing again – see what I mean about queue times as DPS? I don’t know how long they waited for another DPS – possibly milliseconds, but regardless, that’s what they needed. I zoned in and saw no one else near the entrance, which usually gives me a sinking feeling. “Can you find us?” the DK tank asked me. “I can try,” I told him gamely. And miraculously (to me, anyway) I really do know LBRS well enough that I had no problem. I know that you go under the bridge to the right to get to LBRS, and left leads to UBRS. I know that you jump down and there are a series of bridges and the like. It was really easy to just follow the path that they had cleared. I’ve come here multiple times on different characters to do things like the pet quests and other various stuff (including getting lost when I was actually looking for UBRS). I’ve farmed UBRS interminably for parts of the dungeon gear set that Drakkisath drops. I am an old hand at Blackrock Spire! Not really, because the only time I came here at level was on my druid when she was level 58, and I stealthed through most of the whole thing to do the pet quests, a feat I was quite proud of, I’ll have you know. Cat druid rushes in where others fear to tread!

But, I digress. I made it to the group easily and joined their merry band of “let’s murder some orcs.” Unfortunately, it was short-lived – because about five minutes later, our DK tank disconnected. I was sad to see him go, because 1) he was a Draenei and 2) he had actually been doing a good job and spoke in complete sentences. I had just typed “Should we try and wait for him?” when someone initiated a vote-kick. I voted no, but he was kicked anyhow. We puttered around a little bit waiting for another tank. It didn’t take too long before one joined, but unfortunately, I had a bad feeling about him. This time, a human DK. His name?


I’ll let that sink in a minute. What does it even mean? I spend far too much time examining the dirty underbelly of the teenage unconscious. Is he trolling… for vaginas? Does he think he is a vagina, in a derogatory sense? Does he wish the character was actually a born a troll, and so is contemplating the mystery of his birth in a form of bizarre navel-gazing?

Unfortunately, having witnessed the way that he ran into LBRS and promptly got himself killed by a wandering patrol, I’m going to have to conclude that he was simply a moron. The group fell apart quickly after that, as the healer dropped group, unwilling to wait for Mr. Troll to find his way to us, and I followed suit. I hadn’t been looking forward to seeing the kind of epic tanking he was going to put forth, and I don’t mind admitting I acted with extreme prejudice. But when you choose a name like that, you’re kind of asking for it, aren’t you?

I queued again and this time experienced another unfamiliar loading screen. I’d just put myself in flight to Feathermoon, intending to go and pick up one of the Dire Maul quests that I’m sure was there, but the instance popped up almost right away. Dire Maul! This time I was healing. I zoned into the instance and clicked to respec and change my gear, typing right after, “Excuse me, I just had to respec so I’ll need to drink before we move on.” I ran through the little hallway that leads to Dire Maul proper, and the next words the tank replied with made angels sing and rainbows arc across the sky.

“OK guys, hang on,” he said, “Healer needs mana.” This tank was the opposite of a vagtroll. He was a dream tank. If I could have fallen to my knees and thanked some deity I would have, but I just sat and drank some water instead.

Complete aside – enough with the Morning Glory Dew, already! I’ve been drinking this since level 45, and I can’t drink the Draenic stuff until 60. This is a bit of an oversight, here. It refills 2928 mana over 20 seconds. With a few happy buffs, I have over five thousand mana at this level. Do you think any pug is going to let me sit and drink for a full 40 seconds? If you did think that you’d be WRONG. I’ll forget about this in two levels as I pour Draenic water everywhere in celebration, but seriously. Lowbie puggers need better water desperately.

BUT. This tank was glorious and made of kittens and puppies and happiness, and he let me regain my mana. This is significant enough that I jotted it down on my little pug sticky notes. “Dire Maul – Pally tank. Waited for mana.” He was as considerate as the instant went on, at one point even calling a break so that I could drink when I hadn’t noticed I needed to. “Wait, healer mana,” he said. This guy should hold a seminar for tanks.

My tanking buddy and I. Yes, I took a picture, so I will remember him forever. Oh, and a big Ancient dude.

I also really just plain, flat-out like Dire Maul (so far). It’s lush and interesting to look at. We chased the annoying little imp guy all through the instance, and amazingly enough, didn’t lose sight of him or miss where he had gone to. I somehow managed to lose him when I came here with my 80 mage a long time ago. And then when I engaged him, I managed to kill myself with a Hot Streak proc to the face. Did you know that spell reflect is a powerful tool versus an inattentive and powerful mage? I’m here to tell you.

Another thing that’s a powerful tool of death…

Twitter. I play with two monitors so I’ve usually got blogs/websites/whatever open on my second monitor. I clicked over to ask some pally related questions, because I know that my Twitter list has fabulous holy paladins on it, who did in fact answer my questions. They should’ve told me, though, “Instead of asking about Divine Illumination on Twitter, maybe you should try healing your tank.”

Yes, Twitter was nearly the death of my beloved pally tank. I have another confession to make, too. I said… “Wow, sorry guys, I got some really weird lag just then!” …You know, like the kind of lag that comes from alt-tabbing out to a different window to talk on twitter when you should be healing. Mental lag, if you will. The kind that five minutes later had me ask the hunter by name to dispel the curses, instead of the druid. He said, “Srsly? …I’m a hunter.” Whoops. Of course, the druid never responded, nor did he dispel the curses. So I suppose the greatest example of pug idiocy in this group came from me, never let it be said that just because I blog about pugs I’m ‘holier than thou!’

Although I absolutely am Holier than most of them. Except when I’m not. Because I’m a Holy paladin, get it…? I’ll stop now, honest.

A few search engine terms:

how to heal deadmines on a paladin and can a paladin heal deadmines – The answer is “Holy Light” and “Yes,” respectively, although if you’re level 20 you’ve learned Flash of Light, use it well. And Glyph Holy Light. No problem!

holy pally leveling kings or wisdom – At earlier levels, I went with Kings. It’s immensely powerful for the level. I didn’t take Imp. Wisdom right away either, bypassing it to get further down the tree and only coming back to get it later. Of course the best answer is “Both!” if you’re lucky enough to have another paladin. I say switch it up. Sometimes a larger mana pool (yay Kings!) means you don’t really have to worry about regen too much. Once you start getting all the happy Int talents I think Kings is a clear choice, but please correct me if I’m wrong, resident Holy paladins who know more than I (that’s all of you). I’ve been buffing Wis lately just because I can do the Greater version, and it lasts 30 minutes, and I’m lazy.

cat lovers are masochist and dog lovers are awesome – I might agree, but I’ll never tell. I can hear my dog snoring on the other side of the wall as I type this. He has a very robust snore.

jak zbudowaฤ‡ wind furry u shamana enh? – “Shaka, when the walls fell.” I think this might be Polish…? I have no idea how they wound up here, though. Except I do have a shaman. But that’s all I know.

17 responses to “That Which We Call A Troll

  1. Vid, do I have wonderful, glorious news for you!

    Star’s Lament
    Requires Level 55
    Use: Restores 4194 mana over 30 sec.

    You can buy it at the PVP honor vendors for a measly 12 silver and 1 honor (for 5). For Alliance it’s apparently Master Sergeant Biggins in Stormwind.

    I’ve also gotten different people in a PUG mixed up before, to confusing and embarrassing results. Like when I whispered to the tank that he should probably be in Frost presence. Good advice, if he weren’t a warrior. /facepalm

    • (!) Rades! I need to go out and kill some Horde, immediately. Unless it isn’t BoP. Woo better water! This is fabulous news!

      I wrote a haiku in honour of you and Star’s Lament:

      My mana dropping
      Why can’t I drink this water?
      This will quench my thirst!

      Hah, and sometimes it’s not immediately evident. I’m sure he probably just laughed it off. The whole pug had a laugh at my expense, anyhow. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    • Rades, you are officially my new hero. ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. Continuing the great news, the Star’s Lament aren’t BoP, so you can get some on your higher-level characters and pass them on! While we’re talking water, the higher-level version, Star’s Tears, are also not BoP – they require level 65, restore 7200 mana/30 sec, and cost 1g 8 honor for 20 – cheaper than filtered Draenic water! I have a mailbox full of them on my 67 disc priest. ๐Ÿ˜€

  3. What a great pally tank you ended up with! Tanks like that are few and far between, I know! Glad you got to run with one ๐Ÿ™‚

    (And Vagtroll wtf)

    And your search terms at the end of the post remind me that I keep meaning to address mine… hmmm…..

  4. About tanks that should hold seminars! I really can’t understand how a tank can go through an instance WITHOUT keeping an eye on the healer. I have had instances where I will say “Wait, healer needs to drink” and the healer tells me “Naaaa, I can cope, keep going”, so I do. I’d rather delay the “gogogogog” DPS a few seconds to let the healer confirm he’s ok than rush in assuming and we wipe. It never seems to get through to a lot of tanks that don’t wait and pretty much all the DPS that “gogogog” that wiping is slower than waiting 30 seconds.

    I guess I get this kind of compassion for healers because my main is a Priest and by god I know what its like when the tank just doesn’t stop and your gasping to keep things healed up while they keep charging ahead.

  5. Vagtroll?! Seriously. What the fuck is wrong with people.

    On the other hand, hurrah for Tank Made of Puppies sand Kittens – there is hope for humanity!

    Every time I’m healing and a tank lets me stop for a drink, I want to cry with happiness. Something so rudimentary should not seem so incredible.

  6. Actully I think it comes from the Movie Clerks 2, the geeks girlfriend said theres a little troll in her vagina and she can’t have sex…If I’m not mistaken.

    • That helps it to make a bit more sense, then.

      Still, as the guy’s name? I dunno. Judging by the “wtf” and “lol” when he joined the group, I’m guessing I’m not the only one who missed the reference!

  7. Vagtroll will be my new choice replacement word for asshole!

  8. I think your answers to the questions implied by Google search terms are my favorite thing about the Pugging Pally. And I love the pug stories a lot to start with!

  9. “Darmok and Jalad at Tinagara.”

    Loved the stories, nothing substantial to comment upon. Can you give a rundown sometime of what your pally healing looks and feels like at these levels? My healer is a druid (have a lowbie priest too) and pally healing seems, well, boring, especially compared to how fun and active pally tanking is. But every now and then I get the urge to dual spec Holy with my tankadin…

  10. Oooo my 2nd favorite TNG episode ever.

    Also, tanks who let my priesty healer drink are amazing. Even more amazing are the pally tanks who will sit down and drink when *they* run out of mana. I’m flabbergasted when tanks give me a “wtf get more int” after I just had to sit down due to healing 3 squishy tanks because the guy who was supposed to be tanking has no mana to do his tanking stuff.

  11. As I poke belatedly through my reader, I must comment to give you 1000 awesome points for having โ€œShaka, when the walls fell.โ€ in your post.


  12. Temba, his arms wide! ๐Ÿ˜€

  13. The argent dawn people sell a mana biscuit (no honor needed) for level 55 that regens health and mana. If I remember correctly you only need to be friendly. My priest lived on the things for five loooong levels!

  14. So I realize this is an older post (guildy just reposted the link to your blog, so I decided to get caught up) but in case you are still curious: Yes that’s Polish and it sez “How to make wind fury in an enh shaman”
    what it MEANS though…that’s a different story.

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