This is a guest post of sorts, kindly written for me by my resident mage, Millya. You’ve heard about how I’m really only a sometimes paladin, right? Millya likes to make pastries, and so when I heard that Angelya was having a baking contest I knew exactly who to ask. The following is an Azerothian recipe with real-life equivalents written in brackets. If anything is unclear and you actually want to make the cookies, let me know in the comments! I’ll ask for some scholarly clarification. Also, I had so much fun doing this so a big thanks to Angelya for the inspiration. If people actually enjoy it I might make it a regular feature. This recipe makes approximately 30 cookies.
If there’s something everyone knows about mages, it’s this: we’re awesome with baked goods. It’s true! In-between devastating things with the powers of frost, fire, and the arcane – we’re the perfect folks to sit down and have a biscuit with.
Light something on fire? Yes. Make some awesome strudels? Got you covered.
It’s come to my attention, however, that not everyone has this ability. Some of you non-mages, without access to a good mage… you’re going hungry. My heart goes out to you. I have devised a clever way for you to enjoy something very akin to true mage delights. They aren’t conjured. But they’re the next best thing.
Here’s what you’re going to need – since you can’t make them out of thin air and all. It’s okay, don’t feel bad. We can’t all be mages.
- 1/3 cup unsalted butter
- 1/3 cup sugar
- 1/3 cup crystallized honey (packed brown sugar)
- 1 small egg (1 large egg white)
- 1 tsp enriched terocone juice (vanilla)
- 1 ¼ cups simple flour
- ¼ tsp vision dust (baking soda)
- ¼ tsp refined deeprock salt
- 2 tbsp honey
- 1/3 cup crystallized honey (packed brown sugar)
- ½ tsp holiday spices (cinnamon)
- 2 tbsp finely chopped Blackwood Nuts (walnuts or pecans)
- 1 cup Oshu’gun Crystal Powder Sample (Icing Sugar)
- ½ tsp enriched terocone juice (vanilla)
- 2 tbsp Yeti Milk (milk)
Okay, do you have all of those things? Here’s what you are going to do with them. Put the butter, crystallized honey, and sugar in a bowl. Then cast an animation spell on your spoon and go and… wait. You can’t do that, right? Well, I guess you have to – here, I’ll try to do it that way too, this can’t be too hard.
So, you are going to engage in arduous physical labour until those three things are combined. You can stop and take a break at this point, I did. Then you are going to add your small egg and enriched terocone juice. It adds an unusual, woodsy flavour! Beat it again until it is smooth. The texture should be a bit like wet sand.
Next, in another bowl, combine your simple flour with the vision dust and salt. It’s just a tiny amount of salt. The vision dust will make sure that your end result is something like magic! Add the powders to your sugar mixture and stir it by hand again just until you have a soft dough. If you overmix it, your end result might be too hard so try to avoid that if you tend to get overzealous with the mixing. (Hint, don’t ask a more martial friend to “assist” you or you may find your dough harder than a rock and have to start all over again. Hypothetically speaking).
Lay your soft dough on a piece of common parchment, and then put another piece over top of that one. This’ll keep your dough from sticking to anything else and let you roll it out properly. Roll the dough gently between the parchment until you have a 12″ square.
I know the rolling can get a bit frustrating, but maintain your composure. Otherwise the integrity of your cookies may be compromised. All novice mages learn the importance of concentration to the end result of a spell.
It can be tough to achieve a square result just by rolling – you can use a dull knife to trim the edges.
Then you just put the trimmed edges back into the center and re-roll. (A mage).
Once you’ve achieved that perfect square, place it on a cookie sheet and chill it with a frost… oh, right. Well… You could put it in a cold room for thirty minutes. If you don’t have one of those, you could put it into the Northrend air – but not for more than fifteen minutes! Fifteen minutes or a good freezing spell will do the trick.
After your dough has chilled, take it out and peel off the top layer of parchment. Drizzle your honey evenly over the square of dough, then sprinkle it with crystallized honey, holiday spices and nuts. Try to get it almost to the edges.
Now comes the tricky part. Take the edges of your square and quickly begin to roll it upon itself. I say “quickly” because if you hesitate too long with it, it may begin to crack. The end result, unlike a spell, will probably still be tasty but not quite as attractive.
Wrap the resulting log in parchment (waxed paper or plastic wrap). You can use the paper to add cohesion to the roll if the shape of it is a bit odd. Try and smooth the seam as well, it will make it easier after the next step.
Now you have to freeze it! You can do this by taking it and putting it someplace cold for at least three hours (or up to three months, although why would you want to wait that long to eat these? You don’t, trust me). You should be able to find plenty of cold in Northrend, watch out for the ravenous monsters and undead, though. Or find a friendly neighbourhood frost mage!
When you’re ready to bake the cookies, get your oven fired up nice and hot (350 degrees F). Peel back the parchment covering the cookie dough and use a sharp knife to slice it into 1/4″ thick slices. Place these one inch apart on a greased cookie sheet (sprayed with non-stick cooking spray).
Bake the cookies for 12-15 minutes or until they’re pale golden. There’s a simple cantrip you can use to alert you when that amount of time has passed, it’s… wait, nevermind. Well, keep an eye on your hourglass! You wouldn’t want them to burn.
Let them cool on the cookie sheet for a few minutes before putting them on a wire rack to cool. They can be a bit tricky to move if you wait too long, and may fall apart if you try before it’s been a few minutes!
Once the cookies are completely cool, you can drizzle them with a little frosting. It’s included in the ingredients at the beginning of the recipe! Really simple. Combine all three things in a bowl and mix until smooth. You may have to add a bit more Oshu’gun Crystal Powder or milk to get the right consistency (I like mine to be a bit thicker). What is that powder, anyhow? So exotic! I’m sure it’s safe for purposes of eating.
And that’s it! Enjoy your cinnamon bun cookies, which may not have all of the benefits of conjured baking but are still guaranteed to be very tasty! They are best enjoyed with a nice glass of ice cold milk.