Hello, I’m Traxy. My blog is called I Like Pancakes, where I post about whatever is on my mind when I think of something interesting to post. Vidyala’s kindly allowed me to share my experiences with pugging. I am not by my nature an avid pugger. When I do pug, it is almost always with someone I know (typically my friend Leafie, who posts at Leaf-head. In this way, the experience of the pug, whether horror or joy, is shared. I think the one thing that pugging does best is give you a tale to tell. With that in mind, here’s my tale.
You Can’t Spell PUG Without UP
Scene: A skillful fire mage named Jana needs another ten frost badges before she can buy her fourth and last piece of tier 10. With that in mind, she has recruited two of her good friends to go on a random daily to get a couple frost badges. First is Traxy, a death knight tank. Second is Leafie, a resto druid. Both Traxy and Leafie are very well geared and have no further need for frost badges. Traxy, Leafie and Jana are all on vent, though of course the other people to join their group are not necessarily aware of this.
This is also set before the time Blizzard made improvements to the LFD queue, such as allowing a quicker vote to kick. And if that’s not foreshadowing I don’t know how to do it.
Traxy queues the group up and a millisecond later, the queue pops.
Leafie (over vent): That took forever.
Traxy, Leafie and Jana all confirm the assignment. Fifteen seconds later, the second of the three dps accepts. Fifteen seconds later, the last dps fails to accept, and the three are tossed back in front of the queue.
Jana (over vent, imitating Count von Count): One AFK dps, Ha Ha Ha.
Three seconds later, the queue pops again. This time, each of the other dps accepts, and the load screen pops up. The Instance: Utgarde Pinnacle, home of King Ymiron.
They are now joined by two puggers: Mcstabbin, a rogue, and Bladstromin, a warrior.
Traxy (in party): Good afternoon!
Leafie (in party): Hi there!
Mcstabbin (in party): brb gotta go to the bathroom lol
Jana (in vent): Warrior looks good, but we’re going to be carrying the rogue.
Traxy (in vent): Good thing we can three-man this.
Jana casts ritual of refreshment, while Leafie buffs the party. One half second after the refreshment table has formed:
Bladstromin (in party): lets go hurry up
Traxy (in party): The rogue’s AFK.
Bladstromin (in party): we four-man this [expletive].
Jana (in vent): That’s true.
The first pull goes fairly smoothly, and the group starts to move outside to engage the second group.
Bladstromin (in party): go wtf.
Bladstromin charges into the second pack of mobs and then uses bladestorm. Traxy frantically taunts mobs trying to acquire aggro on them, while Leafie uses roughly two-thirds her mana trying to keep Bladstromin healed. The second pull is done; Jana and Leafie sit to drink.
Bladstromin (in party): go
Leafie (in party): Don’t do that again.
Bladstromin (in party): wtf we were fine lets go lol
Traxy (in vent): If he does that again, don’t heal him.
Leafie (in vent): He’ll be lucky if he gets a heal from me again this instance.
The next few pulls go smoothly, until the party reaches the end of the first hallway and the four-pack there.
Traxy (in vent): One second, DnD is on cooldown.
Bladstromin charges in to the pack of mobs. Neither Traxy, nor Leafie, nor Jana lift a finger. Bladstromin dies.
Jana (in vent): You told him not to do that, didn’t you?
Leafie (in vent): I did.
Bladstromin (in party): wtf healz
Traxy (in party): We told you not to do that.
Bladstromin (in party): f you we woulda been fin eif you didnt [expletive] suck.
Party chat and vent are quiet for eight seconds.
Bladstromin (in party): rez
Leafie (in vent): Not a chance in hell.
Party chat and vent are quiet for ten seconds.
Bladstromin (in party): wtf healz rez lol
Traxy (in party): Run back.
Bladstromin (in party): shut the [expletive] up if you werent a [expletive] tank i wouldnt be dead
Jana (in vent): Can we kick him yet?
Leafie (in vent): Sadly, no. It hasn’t been nearly fifteen minutes.
Bladstromin (in party): [expletive] you, you bunch of [derogatory term for homosexuals]. i bet your all sitting around sucking each others [part of the male anatomy, plural]
Traxy (in vent): I can’t believe he hasn’t just run back by now.
Bladstromin (in party): where the [expletive] is [expletive] rez healz
Leafie (in vent): He hasn’t figured it out yet.
Jana (in vent): No.
Bladstromin (in party): [expletive] you, i dont [expletive] need this [expletive] [expletive]. Bunch of [expletive] [derogatory adjective indicating sexual orientation] noobs
Vent and party are silent for twenty seconds.
Bladstromin (in party): rez plz lol
Leafie (in vent): Oh, because he said plz I think I’ll change my mind about rezzing him.
Jana (in vent): Seriously?
Traxy (in vent): What the heck.
Leafie resurrects Bladstromin. Three seconds pass; Bladstromin is still at 10% health and he has not eaten.
Bladstromin (in party): go wtf
Traxy (in vent): He’s not serious?
Bladstromin charges the pack of mobs, and dies about two seconds later.
Bladstromin (in party): wtf tank i said go
Traxy (in vent): He was serious.
Bladstromin (in party): rez
Leafie (in party): If I rez you, will you promise not to be an idiot?
Traxy (in vent): Oo, make him apologize for the swearing.
Jana (in vent): And get him to wear some deodorant.
Bladstromin (in party): [expletive] you you [expletive] [derogatory term for homosexual]
Leafie (in vent): I don’t think he’s going to get rezzed.
Bladstromin (in party): you can [phrase indicating sexual act performed on males] you [expletive] [expletive]
Traxy (in vent): Should we all just go back to Dalaran until he leaves group?
Bladstromin (in party): ur the [expletive] biggest peices of [expletive] [expletive] you all
Bladstromin leaves the party.
Jana (in vent): Well, he sure told us. Get us a fifth, Traxy.
Traxy requeues to get a fifth person in the random. Thirty seconds later, the requeue fails because Mcstabbin does not accept a role.
Traxy (in vent): Crap, the rogue’s still AFK.
Jana (in vent): Let’s just keep going.
Leafie (in vent): Don’t know if we can do the boss with three. What if she teleports you?
Jana (in vent): Argh, didn’t think of that.
Traxy (in vent): We can do this pack, though.
Traxy pulls the remaining four-pack at the end of the hall. They go down without incident.
Traxy (in vent): So we wait.
Two minutes pass.
Leafie (in vent): You know, one of the funny things about our warrior friend — he probably couldn’t conceive of any of us actually being female.
Traxy (in vent): Yeah.
Leafie (in vent): I mean, the insults just don’t work. It’s beyond the realm of his consideration.
Two minutes pass.
Traxy (in vent): We can’t kick him for another six minutes.
Jana (in vent): We should just leave and requeue. We’re not that far in.
Mcstabbin (in party): back
Traxy immediately requeues for another dps. This time, everyone accepts a role, and a new dps is brought into the instance. It is a death knight named Holyoverlord.
Traxy (in party): Welcome.
Holyoverlord (in party): how far in
Jana (in party): At the first boss.
Holyoverlord (in party): good i need stuff lol
The group, now fully formed, goes to take on Svala Sorrowgrave. The fight goes well until Jana is grabbed to be paralyzed under the sword. The banshees do not die in time and Jana dies. Shortly thereafter, Svala dies.
Jana (in vent): What the hell happened there?
Traxy links the Skada report in guild. Jana has done 60% of the damage, Traxy 30%, Holyoverlord 6% and Mcstabbin 4%. Holyoverlord’s dps is 580. Mcstabbin’s dps is 450.
Traxy (in vent): We’re basically three-manning this.
The group proceeds up the stairs toward the second boss. The going is slow, but steady. After the last pack in Gortok Palehoof’s room is pulled, Jana and Leafie stop to drink. Traxy goes over to the pedestal.
Traxy (in vent): Ready?
Jana (in vent): Yeah.
Leafie (in vent): Where’s the rogue?
The group looks around, and then to the minimap. The rogue is back at the bottom of the stairs.
Traxy (in party): Mcstabbin, you there?
Thirty seconds of silence follows.
Jana (in vent): I guess he went to the bathroom again.
Leafie (in vent): Can we kick him?
Traxy initiates a vote to kick Mcstabbin. Unsurprisingly, it passes.
Leafie (in vent): Hopefully we won’t have trouble replacing his 450 dps.
The group requeues for a fifth and gets one: a warlock named Soldursoul.
Jana (in vent): Oh good! Someone to cast focus magic on.
Traxy (in party): Welcome. We’re just before the second boss.
Soldursoul joins the group a minute later, and the event starts. The group has little difficulty with the boss. A show of recount has Jana doing 46% of the damage, Soldursoul 26%, Traxy 23%, and Holyoverlord 5%. Conspicuously, Holyoverlord’s dps is again below 600.
Jana (in vent): Holy crap does this death knight suck.
Palehoof drops Ferocious Pauldrons of the Rhino. Holyoverlord rolls Need and wins them uncontested.
Traxy (in party): Grats!
Leafie (in vent): Oh my… I think I’ve figured out why our death knight is having trouble doing dps.
Traxy and Jana (in vent, simultaneously): What?
Leafie (in vent): Inspect him.
There is silence in vent and in party chat for a full minute and a half while Traxy, Jana and Leafie inspect Holyoverlord. Holyoverlord is specced 71/0/0. His gear (shown via Warcrafter Sandbox, and linked below).
Head: Crown of Forgotten Kings
Neck: Amulet of Wills
Shoulders: Pauldrons of the Colossus
Back: Centrifuge Core Cloak
Chest: Breastplate of Jagged Stone
Bracers: Catalytic Bands
Gloves: Gauntlets of the Water Revenant
Belt: Savage Saronite Waistguard
Legs: Legs of Physical Regeneration
Boots: Terrace Defense Boots
Ring 1: Mobius Band
Ring 2: Band of Enchanted Growth
Trinket 1: Forge Ember
Trinket 2: Offering of Sacrifice
Main hand: Cursed Lich Blade
Off hand: Eternally Folded Blade
Sigil: Sigil of the Dark Rider
None of his gear is enchanted. None of his gem sockets are filled.
Traxy (in vent): Half of his gear is for holy pallies, and most of the remainder is for tanks.
Jana (in vent): It’s like he has no idea what gear to wear.
Soldursoul (in party): go wtf
Traxy (in party): Yeah, sorry.
The group begins the gauntlet for Skadi the Ruthless.
Jana (in vent): I can’t believe that DK.
Leafie (in vent): How can people get to this level like that? I mean, how is it possible that he doesn’t know by now spell power is no good for him? Or that defense is for tanks?
Traxy (in vent): Maybe he thinks he’s doing fine.
Jana (in vent): I’ve got harpoons.
Traxy (in vent): I mean, on the first boss he did beat the rogue.
The fight proceeds. Holyoverlord dies when Skadi whirlwinds for the first time, but the fight otherwise goes without incident. Skadi’s Iron Belt drops. Holyoverlord rolls Need and wins, uncontested.
Traxy (in party): Grats!
Soldursoul (in party): dude that’s no good for you lol
Holyoverlord (in party): sure it is lol
Soldursoul (in party): it has block value DKs cant use shields lol
Holyoverlord (in party): its PLATE lol
Jana (in vent): That explains a lot.
Soldursoul (in party): ok whatever lol if you want to be a [expletive] ninja, [expletive] it lol
Traxy (in vent): The sad thing is that he really thinks that’s good for him. Maybe he’s building a tank set.
Jana and Leafie shudder so loudly that it can be heard over vent.
The run proceeds after Skadi, as the party descends the stairs without incident. The next pull, the one where Traxy needs to pull casters through the hallway, brings adventure.
Traxy (in party): LoS pull here.
Traxy attempts to pull the group of casters through the hallway, using an icy touch on one and then hiding behind the wall, dropping a death and decay just at the entrance to the hallway. Holyoverlord is having none of this strategy; he barrels off happily after the casters, meleeing them. Soldursoul shadowbolts the casters.
Traxy (in vent): [expletive]
Traxy barrels out from her hiding spot and goes to engage the mobs.
Jana (in vent, about three seconds too late): Let them die.
Traxy runs down the hallway, and a furious button mashing later seems to have controlled the mobs. A Ymirjar Berserker casts Terrify, sending Holyoverlord running smack into the middle of the room, pulling the six mobs there. Holyoverlord dies. Coming out of the fear, Traxy manages to gather the mobs together and gain tentative aggro on all of them. Jana, Leafie and Soldursoul come running into the room. Twelve seconds later, a series of living bombs go off, sending mobs aggro’d to Jana. Jana ice blocks. One mob gets aggro’d to Soldursoul. Soldursoul fears the mob aggro’d to him. That mob runs over and aggros the abomination off in the far corner. That abomination aggros to Leafie.
Leafie (in vent): Mob on me.
Traxy (in vent, desperately): Working on it.
Traxy is able to pull the mob away from Leafie. Jana, her ice block now worn off, casts mirror image. With threat no longer a concern, Jana AoE’s the mobs into ashes. Combat ends.
Jana (in party): Well, that was fun.
Holyoverlord (in party): rez
Leafie (in party): One sec.
Soldursoul (in party): wtf tank why dint you get those mobs
Traxy (in vent): [fumes]
Jana (in party): It was a LoS pull.
Soldursoul (in party): you mean a LoSer pull lol
Holyoverlord (in party): lol
Traxy (in vent, angrily): Does no one know what a LoS pull is anymore?
Jana (in vent): I think these guys are challenged every time they are asked to enter their passwords.
Leafie (in vent): Just two more pulls. Just two more pulls.
Leafie rezzes Holyoverlord. One of the trash mobs had dropped a Super Simian Sphere. Soldursoul wins the roll.
Soldursoul (in party): woohoo ive wanted this for ages lol
Traxy (in party): grats lol
Traxy (in vent, sarcastically): Lol.
Leafie and Jana (in vent): Lol.
Soldursoul activates the trinket and then bounces around the entire lower hallway as an ape in a glowing ball.
Soldursoul (in party): this is awesome lol
Jana (in party): Let’s get going.
Soldursoul (in party): hold on theres one thing i want to do lol
Soldursoul runs back to the stairs, jumps up the stairs and then jumps back down the stairs. He does this three more times before the buff wears off.
Leafie (in vent): He is jumping down the hole in the stairs.
Jana (in vent): Well, the trinket suits him.
Soldursoul (in party): ok lets go lol
The group heads up the ramp silently to take on the last set of trash mobs. Those mobs go down cleanly. Jana and Leafie sit down to top themselves off.
Soldursoul (in party): go wtf lol
Traxy (in vent): Is he serious? We spend five minutes waiting for him and his Super Simian Sphere, and now he can’t let you drink?
Leafie (in vent, sarcastically): Well, that was different.
Jana (in vent, sarcastically): Yeah, come on, Traxy. That was an ape in a ball.
A shadowbolt flies out of Soldursoul’s hands at King Ymiron.
Traxy (in vent): [expletive].
Traxy charges after King Ymiron. Thanks to Jana’s ability to blink, every man, blink and ice block out of the stuns, she blows King Ymiron up really well, and the boss dies without incident. The fight is over, and Skada shows that Jana did 60% of the damage, Soldursoul 19%, Traxy 18% and Holyoverlord 3%.
King Ymiron drops Red Sword of Courage and Ornamented Plate Regalia. Holyoverlord rolls Need on both and wins, uncontested.
Holyoverlord (in party): woo epic!!!1!
Soldursoul drops group without a word.
Leafie (in vent): Well, we got you your badges.
Jana (in vent): I don’t want to random again for another month. Screw T10.
Traxy (in vent): That was the worst run I have ever been on.
Holyoverlord (in party): another? lol
*bleeds a bit on the inside*
What an utter nightmare. D:
Wow. That was just… Wow.
You win the Internets.
That’s one impressive failpug story.
This was a very nice way to end my Friday-that-never-ends! That DK was… sadly, very similar to many other DKs I’ve seen
There should almost be a trigger warning on this. 🙂
T’was a pug very like this that led to me not playing my Warrior tank anymore sometime around the end of T7. I’m impressed you stuck with it, honestly; these days I’ve grown a very itchy trigger finger on the Leave Group button as soon as that sort of mindboggling idiocy starts.
Low DPS is sad, though usually tolerable; but players who can’t be distinguished from Dudley Dursley I’ve no more patience with.
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I just hope those three reminded to put those guys on Ignore to never group with them in a LFG again…
What a horror pug story. It had it all! Ninja afkers, spellpower plate DPSers, GOGOGO WTF REZ guy…haha what a nightmare. At least you were with friends to be able to share in the pain and (hopefully) laugh a little about it afterward.
The horror stories of pugging are half the fun; though at the time I’m sure nobodys thinking “Thisll be the best story to share!”
Also, DKs in spellpower plate STILL make me very, very sad. Doubly so when they defend their position.
Nice post, Traxy! /thumbs up
I have a bit more information about this blog post over at my own blog, but I did want to clear up some misconception here: this was not a factual recounting of some massively fail run I went on. Rather, the four puggers in this run were inspired by events that happened in several separate runs. I just combined them for the sake of a good story.
I laughed HYSTERICALLY all through this. Wonderfully told, Traxy! 😀
All the wowhead links seem to go to the Ferocious Pauldrons of the Rhino though…
Yes. I have a list of Holyoverlord’s gear on my blog. It isn’t as funny after 4.0 as it was pre-4.0. For instance, the items with block value increases (singularly inappropriate for DKs) no longer have those stats. But still.
Impressive. It’s so Out There that it can’t even be a lie; I believe every step of it, and it terrifies me.
When I read, “Get us a fifth, Traxy”, I thought you meant of vodka… and I thought, what better way to handle it?