Unconjured Cinnamon Bun Frost Cookies

This is a guest post of sorts, kindly written for me by my resident mage, Millya. You’ve heard about how I’m really only a sometimes paladin, right? Millya likes to make pastries, and so when I heard that Angelya was having a baking contest I knew exactly who to ask. The following is an Azerothian recipe with real-life equivalents written in brackets. If anything is unclear and you actually want to make the cookies, let me know in the comments! I’ll ask for some scholarly clarification. Also, I had so much fun doing this so a big thanks to Angelya for the inspiration. If people actually enjoy it I might make it a regular feature. This recipe makes approximately 30 cookies.

Unconjured Cinnamon Bun Frost Cookies

If there’s something everyone knows about mages, it’s this: we’re awesome with baked goods. It’s true! In-between devastating things with the powers of frost, fire, and the arcane – we’re the perfect folks to sit down and have a biscuit with.

Light something on fire? Yes. Make some awesome strudels? Got you covered.

My spoon? Did I take it from a murloc? Why would you ask something like that?

It’s come to my attention, however, that not everyone has this ability. Some of you non-mages, without access to a good mage… you’re going hungry. My heart goes out to you. I have devised a clever way for you to enjoy something very akin to true mage delights. They aren’t conjured. But they’re the next best thing.

Here’s what you’re going to need – since you can’t make them out of thin air and all. It’s okay, don’t feel bad. We can’t all be mages.

Dough

Filling

Drizzle

Okay, do you have all of those things? Here’s what you are going to do with them. Put the butter, crystallized honey, and sugar in a bowl. Then cast an animation spell on your spoon and go and… wait. You can’t do that, right? Well, I guess you have to – here, I’ll try to do it that way too, this can’t be too hard.

On second thought, it really may be preferable to mix them the normal way. With magic. What do you mean, "That's not normal?"

So, you are going to engage in arduous physical labour until those three things are combined. You can stop and take a break at this point, I did. Then you are going to add your small egg and enriched terocone juice. It adds an unusual, woodsy flavour! Beat it again until it is smooth. The texture should be a bit like wet sand.

Next, in another bowl, combine your simple flour with the vision dust and salt. It’s just a tiny amount of salt. The vision dust will make sure that your end result is something like magic! Add the powders to your sugar mixture and stir it by hand again just until you have a soft dough. If you overmix it, your end result might be too hard so try to avoid that if you tend to get overzealous with the mixing. (Hint, don’t ask a more martial friend to “assist” you or you may find your dough harder than a rock and have to start all over again. Hypothetically speaking).

You should have a soft lump of dough at this point.

Lay your soft dough on a piece of common parchment, and then put another piece over top of that one. This’ll keep your dough from sticking to anything else and let you roll it out properly. Roll the dough gently between the parchment until you have a 12″ square.

Yes, gently. Exactly. Just like that.

I know the rolling can get a bit frustrating, but maintain your composure. Otherwise the integrity of your cookies may be compromised. All novice mages learn the importance of concentration to the end result of a spell.

How did this picture get in here? Clearly it's a fabrication.

It can be tough to achieve a square result just by rolling – you can use a dull knife to trim the edges.

Like so.

Then you just put the trimmed edges back into the center and re-roll. (A mage).

Once you’ve achieved that perfect square, place it on a cookie sheet and chill it with a frost… oh, right. Well… You could put it in a cold room for thirty minutes. If you don’t have one of those, you could put it into the Northrend air – but not for more than fifteen minutes! Fifteen minutes or a good freezing spell will do the trick.

After your dough has chilled, take it out and peel off the top layer of parchment. Drizzle your honey evenly over the square of dough, then sprinkle it with crystallized honey, holiday spices and nuts. Try to get it almost to the edges.

This part is fun!

Now comes the tricky part. Take the edges of your square and quickly begin to roll it upon itself. I say “quickly” because if you hesitate too long with it, it may begin to crack. The end result, unlike a spell, will probably still be tasty but not quite as attractive.

adfsd

Wrap the resulting log in parchment (waxed paper or plastic wrap). You can use the paper to add cohesion to the roll if the shape of it is a bit odd. Try and smooth the seam as well, it will make it easier after the next step.

Now you have to freeze it! You can do this by taking it and putting it someplace cold for at least three hours (or up to three months, although why would you want to wait that long to eat these? You don’t, trust me). You should be able to find plenty of cold in Northrend, watch out for the ravenous monsters and undead, though. Or find a friendly neighbourhood frost mage!

More fun than fighting Scourge for a patch of clean snow, let me tell you.

When you’re ready to bake the cookies, get your oven fired up nice and hot (350 degrees F). Peel back the parchment covering the cookie dough and use a sharp knife to slice it into 1/4″ thick slices. Place these one inch apart on a greased cookie sheet (sprayed with non-stick cooking spray).

Parts of your dough may crumble at this point. You can still push them back together and put them on the cookie sheet. They'll probably cook in one piece.

Bake the cookies for 12-15 minutes or until they’re pale golden. There’s a simple cantrip you can use to alert you when that amount of time has passed, it’s… wait, nevermind. Well, keep an eye on your hourglass! You wouldn’t want them to burn.

Let them cool on the cookie sheet for a few minutes before putting them on a wire rack to cool. They can be a bit tricky to move if you wait too long, and may fall apart if you try before it’s been a few minutes!

Once the cookies are completely cool, you can drizzle them with a little frosting. It’s included in the ingredients at the beginning of the recipe! Really simple. Combine all three things in a bowl and mix until smooth. You may have to add a bit more Oshu’gun Crystal Powder or milk to get the right consistency (I like mine to be a bit thicker). What is that powder, anyhow? So exotic! I’m sure it’s safe for purposes of eating.

Quality control is very important.

And that’s it! Enjoy your cinnamon bun cookies, which may not have all of the benefits of conjured baking but are still guaranteed to be very tasty! They are best enjoyed with a nice glass of ice cold milk.

23 responses to “Unconjured Cinnamon Bun Frost Cookies

  1. You’re killing me, Vid! Er, Millya! Only two hours before lunchtime over here, and that looks waaaay too good.

    Can you skip the nuts in the filling? We’ve got a peanut allergy in the household, and most of the nuts you can buy at the story are processed in a facility that also processes peanuts.

    Oh, and I like the ‘Draenei with freckles’ bit. Too bad red hair isn’t part of the color scheme. ;-)

    P.S. Your last caption has a placeholder in it instead.

    • I had to bring my batch (er, Millya’s) over to my parent’s house so at least Voss and I wouldn’t be the ones eating them all.

      I think leaving out the nuts would be fine, they add a bit of extra crunch but aren’t strictly necessary, just maybe add a touch more brown sugar to compensate? It’s the honey and sugar that hold it together anyway so I think they’d be fine without.

      Thanks, I love Millya’s freckles. :D They are actually on the character model if you zoom in close! Thanks also for the heads up about my caption. WordPress gave me a rough time with the images so when I finally got it working I was a bit overexcited, apparently.

    • Man, you have no idea. Those cookies taste like cinnamon buns.

      Crap, I’m drooling now.

    • I’ve thought for awhile now that the brown color of draenei hair was really more of an auburn. It looks particularly reddish to me on the palest blue and white draenei skin tones. So I don’t think draenei are completely without redheads — but it *would* be cool if draenei had a lighter, brighter red hair color, as well.

    • I tried making these this weekend and left out the nuts too (tree nut allergy here) . Came out just fine! :)

      • You made them, really? :D That’s so exciting to me! I hope they were good!

      • I really did! And they tasted JUST like the conjured kind. Trust me — my main is a mage. :D

        Looking forward to trying the Gromsblood soup, too. As the weather turns more fall-ish here I will definitely have to pull out the stock pot and fireball, er, I mean fire up the stove.

  2. Aw, that’s too cute. I don’t like cooking myself but should I ever be overcome by the urge to make cookies myself I’ll keep this in mind.

    And is it me or is our magey friend’s left-hand thumb on the wrong side in the “freezing” picture? I love your art but that randomly threw me off. ‘:)

  3. I absolutely adore the artwork! It reminds me of my original Betty Crocker cookbook! :)

  4. Love it – very creative! I may have to bake some of those up – they look yummy :o)

  5. Fantastic! You missed your true calling, Vid- cookbook illustration for the MMO-inclined.

  6. Congrats on winning the bake-off!

  7. Incredibly delicious:


    :)

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